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God Who Blesses Regardless of How I Am
Author : Mahanaim     Date Posted:2011-03-31 15:14:02     Views:593

1st Class Hwae Tae Chung

 

Last year, I experienced things that I have never imagined to experience in my life. Since my youth till the

age of 20, I attended a Presbyterian Church; however, I found myself in a chaotic situation and felt

emptiness in life. Experiencing failures and frustrations put me in great pain as the ground has its dead

darkness deep underneath. False, filthy, and evil thoughts dragged me around so much that I went

through such a difficult growth period. Then I met Good News church and learned that Jesus shed blood

on the cross and pardoned all my sins – by believing that, I received salvation in May of 1996.

 

I started to live a spiritual life inside the church, and my life was full of happiness, gratitude and

appreciation. I never really had to worry about the problems in my life because God helped me get over the hardships: God protected me when my car was turned over in the middle of highway. God woke my

family up from sleep when there could have been a fire. God let my second child, a new-born infant, eat

and grow up well when he could have died so young from not being able to eat at all. “Yes, I want to

preach gospel and live a life that God is pleased of!”

 

It was last winter. My father was diagnosed with the last-stage stomach cancer. Because it was

uncertain whether his spirit could go up in heaven, I broke into tears and my heart ached so much. The

cancer had spread to liver and stomach; there was nothing we could do but only wait on the deathbed.

During his few days of stay in the hospital, my mother, wife and I prayed and prayed again. “How weak a

life is…? Nothing can stop time and illness. I can’t do anything without faith.” Regardless of how I had

thought, God blessed his spirit, gave him a clear mind to listen to the gospel and he receive salvation

through a pastor of Good News Ha Dong Church. Even though he died of cancer, I was thankful that God

let us hold a funeral with so much gratitude and also that my father went up in heaven. So I was able to

put my sorrow aside, and I thought “no matter which direction I take, there is only one lifetime. I should

dedicate my rest of life to the gospel.”  

 

Starting this year, I planned a schedule, pulled myself together and made myself a promise, but I just

could not control my desires. I justified myself of not being able to live solely before the gospel by

thinking “everyone probably lives like this.” All the sermons were wonderful and blessed but because my

circumstances were so not blessed, I was confused. Unlike my will to change my miserable state, I was

dragged by my desires and pleasures of the world, not by the sermons or by prayer. Being lethargic

remained within me; I was completely lost.

 

As I was listening to Mahanaim Cyber College lectures, this heart arose: “ah, there was no precise line

drawn in my heart. I thought I was living a spiritual life, but really I have forgotten myself!” I thought I

would never change, but the light of hope started to shine through me. I once heard from one of the

lectures that having an open mind of listening to others’ opinions would undergo a great change.

 

Through this, I realized that God was constantly leading me. “I have no power to overcome any

temptation or fear. I would gain the power to get over them when I receive a different heart from my own.”

This voice taught me only the word of God (the bible) is the way to live. As I was listening to a vineyard

farmers” story in Matthew chapter 21, God showed me my heart”s end is identical as theirs, and my life is

only to be annihilated because of my root.

 

All these years, I was confused about my heart of wanting to live for the gospel and the other heart of

going against God inside of me, craving for more things than the gospel; however, through the vineyard

farmers” story, I realized these two different hearts of mine came from one spring as the professor said

the vineyard farmers” two different hearts were one same heart: the graceful heart to their master and

trying to repay to the master; and the evil heart to go against their master and killing the son of the master.

I thought, “my heart will stand against God in the end and will only be destroyed. I will fail living with my

heart. My thought itself is false, filthy and evil. I do not have any good. I can”t live for the gospel and I am

not a person who lives only for the gospel.”

 

God was guiding me through the cyber lectures step by step. Just as God led the blind man to wash in

the pool of Siloam and let him see his reflection in the water, God led me to seek for Jesus because I

couldn”t do anything by myself. Satan constantly worked inside of me in a way that I follow my desires

and lusts so that Jesus in my heart cannot work; however, by listening to the lectures and testimonies, I

started to appreciate the fact that God allowed me to be a part of him. Because Jesus served and obeyed

the Lord instead of me, I had this heart that everything inside of the Lord is such a bliss that”s given to

me. I felt blessed and real inside of the word of God, not the one I see with visible circumstances. “Ah, I

am a servant of God who preaches the fact that others have been blessed, righteous and holy.”

 

The condition Isaac could receive blessing was not up to Isaac himself, it was through Abraham, his

father. To accomplish the promise Abraham had allowed, the descendants of Isaac had to be greatly

prospered. As I heard this story, I was so thankful that I became to belong to the church. I was graceful

that regardless of my image, God is giving me grace and standing beside me to accomplish the promise

with the church that He shall give thee the heathen for thine inheritance. Until now, I lived in pain

because I could only see and lived for myself and the end of the life was to destruction. Now, I have this

heart, “I am already a brand new person inside of God. That”s who really I am. And I will be speaking of

myself, neighbors and the world inside of God” I thank God who endlessly leads me.

 

Jacob inside of his mother was already the firstborn son but from not knowing the fact, Jacob spent a

vain time trying to be the oldest son; but because God guided Jacob, he receives blessing. Likewise, I

thank God for guiding me. 

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Total : 7 No.  ,  Current 1/1 page

No. Title Author Date View
God Who Blesses Regardless of How I Am (0) Mahanaim 2011.03.31 593
The Theology School I Was Looking For (0) Mahanaim 2011.03.31 627
Through This Theology School My Heart Was Moved (0) Mahanaim 2011.03.30 385
MCC Letter & Testimony (1) Mahanaim 2010.09.17 546
My name is Mohan Bista. (1) Mahanaim 2010.09.10 505
Hello Everyone! (1) Mahanaim 2010.09.09 600
1 The Good News (0) CHUNG 2012.06.25 367
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